5th September 2023, our baby's due date. Despite a healthy and relatively hassle free pregnancy, those 40 weeks seemed like the longest of my life. I'd spent them growing bigger and feeling our baby kicking and wriggling every day. Going for ultrasound scans and seeing our little baby wriggling around on the screen was simply magical. Come the end of August we were desperate to meet our little boy and kept waiting with anticipation for him to make his appearance. 

On the 4th September I'd gone to bed, feeling him moving around as normal, but when I woke in the morning he seemed quiet. I think my mother's instinct already knew that something was terribly wrong, but... We'd finally made it to his due date!  We were off to see the midwife that morning so I convinced myself that it would be fine - she'd listen for his heartbeat and it'd be okay, I was just overthinking.

Later that morning, when the midwife went to listen for his heart, we were met with silence, where we should have heard it beating. In that moment I knew what my instinct had already sensed - our little boy was gone. I switched to autopilot as the midwife sent us straight to the hospital. In the thirty minute taxi ride I had a split-second flicker of hope that maybe he would be okay, but really I knew in my heart that it was too late. 

At the hospital the sonographer looked on the ultrasound for his heartbeat, but he confirmed our worst possible nightmare - our precious baby boy had died. There was nothing anyone could do. 

Two days later, on Thursday 7th September at 6.37am I gave birth to our beautiful son. Weighing 8lbs and perfect in every way, he looked as though he was sleeping. Despite everything, giving birth to him was the most incredible experience and I am so grateful to have been able to do that for him. We named him Finn Edward and he is my single greatest achievement. I am so proud of him. 

The staff at St Thomas' hospital were absolutely incredible and without the care they gave the three of us we couldn't have got through it - to them I will be eternally grateful.  There are no answers as to what happened or why Finn died. My pregnancy had been a healthy one, even at the age of 42! A scan the week before had shown him happy and healthy. Although we decided not to have a post mortem, testing on the placenta and blood tests for me all came back normal. 35% of stillbirths in the UK are unexplained. We will never know the reason why we never got to bring our precious baby home or watch him grow up. 

We miss Finn every day and are trying to find a path through the pain of losing him. He will never be forgotten and lives in our hearts forever. 

Thank you for reading our story,
Finn, Jen & Rob